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General Discussion / 7 Ways To Move On After Being Cheated On

« Last post by annie on May 29, 2019, 11:08:54 am »

7 Ways To Move On After Being Cheated On
Finding out that your partner has cheated on you isn’t the easiest thing in the world. It is one of the most brutal betrayals that can happen to someone. You realize that the man you love the most treated you like you mean nothing to him; like you are just passing by his life and that you are not important at all. And that hurts. It hurts pretty badly. That’s why people who went through this kind of heartbreak often are so angry that they smash things around them and they cut off all contact with the person who did them harm.

But even if you were cheated on, it doesn’t mean that your life should stop. I know that it will be difficult to accept what happened but once you realize that, you will find someone better than the one who broke your heart. And when that happens, you will be unstoppable. In case you need some other tips to get over a breakup in the easiest possible way, check this list and make your life better than before.
1. Accept what happened

It is very important to accept what happened to you instead of living in denial. I know that it hurts you but you can’t pretend that nothing happened. You can’t convince yourself that it didn’t happen and that he will be your happily ever after. You need to be aware of the fact that it finished and that you need to be strong to get back on your feet again. Only when you do that, you will be ready to start a new chapter of your life.
2. Tell how you feel to your friend

If you keep holding everything inside you, you won’t feel better. You will just think about it and you will ask yourself why it had to happen and how you could have prevent it. That’s why you should tell how you really feel to a friend or someone you trust the most. When you do that, you will see that you will feel better and there won’t be so much sorrow in your life. It is true that you won’t be able to erase things that happened but at least it will be easier when you share your problems with someone who means a lot to you.
3. Embrace your pain

If you try to convince yourself that everything is okay and that you don’t have to go through a grieving process, it will get only worse. That’s why you should embrace your pain and feel it fully. You need to cry yourself out and in that way, get rid of all the toxins in your body. Once you realize that you were broken and that things are not as good as you thought, you will be ready to fix things. You can always start from forgiving yourself for staying with a man like that for such a long time.
4. Think about you and not him

I know that you will be thinking about the story that you had together, but now it is the time to think about yourself. You have to learn to love yourself and to stop thinking about someone who let you go so easily. What is the point of thinking about a man who is not worthy of your time and your love? He is just a coward who couldn’t even admit to you that he doesn’t feel anything for you. It was easier for him to cheat on you and to hurt you in that way. Trust me, a man like that doesn’t deserve you spending the whole day thinking about him because he surely doesn’t think about you.
5. Don’t blame yourself

The worst thing that you can do is to think that you were guilty of everything bad that happened to you. You shouldn’t blame yourself because he cheated on you. Don’t think that you are not beautiful, worthy or enough. You are amazing just the way you are and you don’t have to change so someone would like you. Just remember that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. And that is what you will be to the right one when you decide to leave the past where it belongs and start a new chapter of your life.
6. Give yourself time to heal

If you think that you will get over him in two days, you are so wrong. It takes a lot more time to get a man out of your system and if you have been in a long-term relationship with him, it will take even longer. That’s why you should give yourself some time to heal and to realize that it happened but that you won’t give up on your life just like that. If you don’t push yourself to heal faster, it will be easier for you to actually achieve your goal. Just remember that you have all the time in the world and that you don’t have to hurry anywhere.
7. Finally, put yourself first

I know that you were putting your ex first because you loved him unconditionally but that is something that has to change now. He is not in the center of your life anymore and he shouldn’t be because he hurt you in the worst way possible. So, accept yourself with all your flaws and learn to love yourself. Because if you don’t do that, you won’t get love from others as well. If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you as well. Don’t think that you are selfish for doing that. You have just decided to put yourself first and you chose the right way to true happiness.

General Discussion / 5 Reasons You Compare Yourself to Others And How to Stop It

« Last post by abe on May 27, 2019, 09:36:28 pm »

5 Reasons You Compare Yourself to Others And How to Stop It
Life is never a Race,but a Sweet Adventure.We don't need comparing ourself to others.
Here is what you have deep inside you while comparing yourself to others:

“A child who is not seen truly and deeply by her parents does not learn to see herself truly and deeply.”

Thousands of people stand at the starting line waiting for the race to begin. Performing some last-minute stretches, Jessica looks around at the other runners. “She’s way too thin, but I’d give anything to have that problem,” Jessica thinks the woman in front of her. Looking down at her own well-worn running shoes, she wonders what the guy stretching next to her does for work to be able to afford such expensive ones.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Jessica, the overly thin woman in front of her (named Vanessa) was behind Jessica at the registration booth earlier and had already decided that she love to have the naturally rich, brown hair with red highlights that Jessica has. “Why was I born with such mousy blonde hair?” she had mused painfully while feeling inadequate about herself.

Neither Jessica nor Vanessa has any idea that Fancy Shoes, whose actual name is Josh, had checked out both of them earlier and, after assessing each of their fitness levels, had decided that they were both way out of his league. “All the guys at this race are so much more athletic than I am. I would never stand a chance with either of those women,” he had already decided sadly.
Comparisons

I hope the story above of Jessica, Vanessa, and Josh conveys the absurdity of comparing yourself to others. But don’t be fooled: just because it’s absurd does not mean it’s not serious.

And real.

And damaging.

In my 25 years as a therapist, I have heard an infinite number of comparisons made. In reality, there is always someone richer, thinner, more successful, happier, healthier, stronger or smarter than ourselves.

It’s true. All we need to do is look around us and we will see them. Someone who is, in some way that happens to be important to us, better.
Why You Compare Yourself to Others

It’s natural. Humans are social creatures. It is natural to look around and assess those around us, to some extent. Often we may notice people who appear to be inferior to ourselves in some way, and this makes us feel better about ourselves. Unless you do this habitually, with a desperate need for reassurance, or follow it up with treating others as inferior, then it’s not a real problem.
You do not feel in control of yourself or your life. We all have times in our lives when we feel out of control of what’s happening. Life is full of unexpected challenges and events, and when you go through such times, it’s natural to feel that your feet are not on solid ground. With your sense of security threatened you may become overly focused on other people and what they have or don’t have. You may use comparisons to validate what you are already thinking about yourself or your situation. So you think to yourself, “See, I knew I was better (or worse) at that than most people.”
You have low self-esteem, low self-confidence or low self-worth. It may seem that having low self-worth might cause you to look for people to whom you can feel superior. But what actually happens is likely just the opposite. You end up looking for, and finding, people who seem better (whether they are in reality or not is another story), and your comparisons cause you to feel even worse about yourself.
You grew up being often compared to a sibling. Some parents are unaware that comparing their children to each other is damaging. Other parents do it on purpose, thinking that the comparisons will motivate their kids. Either way, if you grew up in a comparing type of family you will be pre-programmed to continue this process with the people around you as an adult.
You lack self-knowledge. This is, I think, the most common reason of all. As an expert in Childhood Emotional Neglect or CEN, I have seen how it affects a child to grow up in a family that does not notice or validate his feelings or emotional needs (CEN). A child who is not seen truly and deeply by her parents does not learn to see herself truly and deeply. Growing up with this gap in self-knowledge leaves you vulnerable as an adult. You are left to wonder what is good bad, strong, weak, bright, dull, fun or enjoyable about yourself. What better way to figure out who you are than compare yourself to others? But sadly, it does not give you any real answers at all.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself to others does not accomplish anything good. Comparisons will never tell you who you are. They only tell you, usually inaccurately, about what you are not.

Comparisons are a sign that you do not know yourself. You are wondering who you are and whether you are good enough. But you are looking for answers in all the wrong places. The answers you seek are not in the people around you. To find them you must look in the opposite direction. You must look at yourself.

Changing this entrenched habit requires awareness. You likely make comparisons all the time without even realizing it. So begin with trying to notice every single time you compare yourself. You must be aware of it before you can change it.
As you increase your awareness it’s time to short-circuit your comparisons before they can fully occur. When you notice a comparison starting you can interrupt it by picturing a giant, red stop sign in front of you and saying, “STOP” in your head. Or find a technique that works for you, and use it.
Start paying more attention to yourself in general. What do you feel, what do you want, what do you like, dislike and need? What are your true strengths and weaknesses as a person? The answers are all there. They are real, and they are inside you.

addition to those steps, there is another very important thing to keep in mind. You are, just like every other human being on the planet, a complex mosaic of a thousand different pieces. You are made up of big strengths and tiny weakness, small talents, and big flaws.

It’s only when you see, know and own all of these things about yourself, the good and the bad, and the beautiful and the ugly, you will see that when you add it all up an amazing thing happens.

When you stop focusing on a tiny piece of the mosaic — like body image for Jessica, hair for Vanessa and fitness for Josh — and you pan back and look at the full picture of yourself, you will see how all the pieces fit together. You will see that you are a layered and complex person who cannot be reduced to one small trait or flaw.

And, most importantly, you will see that when all of the pieces of you are added up, you are good enough.

You can access many free resources on Childhood Emotional Neglect at EmotionalNeglect.com, including the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire.

See the book Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect for much more about how CEN happens and how to heal it.

credit:Jonice Webb PhD

General Discussion / 10 WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

« Last post by annie on May 27, 2019, 03:01:56 pm »

10 WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

Many heart has been broken........but brighter days ahead......

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last.

Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from hurting so much.

To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”

But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 10 tips I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.

1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

2. Detach and revel in your independence again.

Attempting to fill the void yourself — without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back — is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds, Victor M. Parachin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Parachin:

“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?” This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?”

One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it… creatively, and with the help of my higher power.
3. List your strengths.

As I wrote in my “12 Ways to Keep Going” post, a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated to try anymore is to list my strengths. I say to myself, “Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! Weaklings can’t pull off that! And here you are, alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts. Plus you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!” I say all of that while listening to the “Rocky” soundtrack, and by the last line, I’m ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. If you can’t list your strengths, start a self-esteem file. Click here to learn how you build one.

4. Allow some fantasizing.

Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. Dr. Christine Whelan, who writes the “Pure Sex, Pure Column” on BustedHalo.com, explains the logic of allowing a bit of fantasy. She writes:

If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse… In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about? [A white bear.]

5. Help someone else.

When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them. That’s why writing Beyond Blue contributes a big chunk to my recovery, why moderating Group Beyond Blue has me excited to wake up every day. When you turn your attention to another person — especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain — you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it, that, on some days, feels like a miracle.

6. Laugh. And cry.

Laughter heals on many levels as I explain in my “9 Ways Humor Heals” post, and so does crying. You think it’s just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away.

7. Make a good and bad list.

You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover’s home (or apartment). You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on Facebook and seeing that he has just posted a photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good, so put that on the “don’t attempt” list, along with e-mails and phone calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. On the “feels peachy” list might be found such ventures as: deleting all of his e-mails and voicemails, pawning off the jewelry he gave you (using the cash for a much-needed massage?), laughing over coffee with a new friend who doesn’t know him from Adam (to ensure his name won’t come up).
8. Work it out.

Working out your grief quite literally — by running, swimming, exercising, walking, or kick-boxing — is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level — because exercise increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells — but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn’t that feel good?

9. Create a new world.

This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world — full of new friends who wouldn’t recognize him in a crowd and don’t know how to spell his name — where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. Take this opportunity to try something new — scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, a blog — so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning… without him (or her).

10. Find hope.

There’s a powerful quote in the movie The Tale of Despereaux that I’ve been thinking about ever since I heard it: “There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness.” I suppose that’s why, at my father’s deathbed, the moment of reconciliation between us made me less scared to lose him. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be with you forever, that one day you’ll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell to move on with your life, your smile won’t always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope.
And remember to love again…

Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. He writes:

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.
Credit:Psychcentral

General Discussion / HOW TO AVOID MARRIAGE FAILURE OR RESTORED A FAILING MARRIAGE

« Last post by annie on May 27, 2019, 05:25:33 am »

HOW TO AVOID MARRIAGE FAILURE OR RESTORED A FAILING MARRIAGE
Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships healthy and thriving. It’s just like when you stop investing in the house you are living in. It will easily fall into disrepair. Think back to when you first started to pursue your wife. It required commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her required that back then, why does it surprise us when neglect creates relationship problems after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted. Why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if you want to restore your marriage. We suggest these 10 strategies to help solve your marriage relationship problems.
1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.

Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there’s widespread support for making yours work.
2. Choose to love.

“Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. ”
Love may have come easy when it was brand new. Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.
3. Act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than your own.

Putting our spouse first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.
4. Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.

It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “my work… the family business…the children… my aging parents… even golf, football or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact – the happiest kids are those with parents who love one-another best.
5. Start over from scratch.

Ask her out. Make sure you remember why you did the first time and build from there. When did you last talk for hours, hold hands at a movie, or give her a kiss when she wasn’t expecting it? Get silly about one-another. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway- then you’ll remember why.
6. Stop taking one-another for granted.

Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell her how much it means to you that she cooks a great meal – or vice versa. Notice the haircut. Ask her out. Clean her car. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship.
7. Pray for your spouse.

Chances are you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your spouse, and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.
8. Get counseling.

You say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce. Most counseling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. For guys, a willingness to talk in that context sends a huge, positive message to your spouse.
9. Follow the counseling with an action plan.

Just like a personal fitness program, counseling comes with homework and an action plan over time. Draw up the plan, ask friends you trust to help hold you accountable, then follow through. When both spouses take responsibility, anything is possible.
10. Change the patterns.

Do you always come home angry? Then stop the car a block away and pray about it first or do whatever else it takes to change your attitude. Does she always nag you when you leave dirty clothes on the floor? Try getting changed in a different room and initiate a new reflex. Do you always fight about discipline? Try agreeing with her decisions and supporting her 100% – you may find the kids act better because you’re not fighting. You’ve heard the old joke:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I do that…”

Doctor: “Well, don’t do that anymore.”
credit:allprodad

General Discussion / 17 real men reveal why they cheated on their partners

« Last post by annie on May 27, 2019, 12:16:27 am »

Men are more likely than women to cheat. ABC
One of the biggest relationship deal-breakers is cheating. Whether it was a one time fling or a long-term love affair, significant others find it very difficult to forgive, and nearly impossible to forget an act of infidelity cheating.

A monogamous relationship, by definition, is supposed to be a faithful one, so it is no surprise that the first thing a scorned partner wants to know is, "why?"

Because men are more likely to stray than women - the Institute for Family Studies cites that 20% of men and 13% of women report having sex outside of their marriage - we took to Reddit to find out some of the explanations unfaithful men give for their cheating ways.
"We never stopped loving each other"
"One day we gave in and cheated on our partners." Unsplash/josh peterson
"I really screwed up with the one I love and she wouldn't take me back and I was lonely. So I started dating someone, but we never stopped loving each other and one day we gave in and cheated on our partners with each other." - Redditor n0_fat_ch1x

"I like that excitement of something or someone new."
"I am who I am." Unsplash/George Coletrain
"I've cheated on my girlfriends, and I also think I would cheat on my wife. I know this sounds horrible and all but I don't know why I'd do it. Perhaps it's the same reason why I don't know why I drink.

"I'd love my girlfriend or (maybe) future wife to death and I am faithfully loyal, but at the same time, I like that excitement of something or someone new. I like new energy. I know, in the eyes of some people this makes me a horrible person. But I am who I am." - Anonymous Redditor

"It wasn't quite revenge; more like trying to put things back in balance"
"The purity and closeness of our relationship was never the same." Unsplash/Amber Zewert
"When I was 17 and with my first girlfriend, I cheated on her. It was right after she'd cheated on me. It wasn't quite revenge; more like trying to put things back in balance. It made me feel horrible. The purity and closeness of our relationship was never the same again." - Redditor nueromonkey

"I just beat them to the punch"
"Angry screaming and profuse apologizing followed." Beth Solano/Unsplash
"Yes, (I've cheated on) pretty much every woman I've been with. From my experience, women will always do something to try to destroy your world, so I just beat them to the punch." - Anonymous Redditor
"It's hard to control myself"
"I don't feel bad about it anymore." Becca Tapert/Unsplash
"When I'm in a relationship, I still go out to drink. When I'm out drinking, it hard not to walk up and say 'hi' to a pretty girl. When I'm talking to a pretty girl, I can't help flirting. When I'm flirting, it seems appropriate to make out with her. When I'm making out with her, it's only natural to bring her home to my place. When we are at my place, the only thing to do is (have sex).

"I seriously rarely plan to cheat, but I'm the kind of guy who can get laid without much effort, so it's hard to control myself. Also, girls always forgive my cheating, so I don't feel bad about it anymore." - Anonymous Redditor

"It felt right to me"
People in Britain are having sex — and experimenting with it — at a younger age. Alloy Entertainment
"The relationship was on a steady decline. She went away on a trip to a different country, and I started seeing more of another (female) friend and spending a lot of time with her. I stayed the night in her room a few times and nothing happened, but then a few days later she decided to make a move and I went with it.

"I didn't feel as guilty as I thought I would, surprisingly enough. I guess it felt right to me. Me and the girl I cheated with are now dating and I've since ended things with the other one." - Redditor King_Peanut_Butter

"Our sex life had been almost non-existent for years"
"I fell madly in love with my mistress." Snezana Ignjatovic/Shutterstock
"(I've cheated) many times. With escorts and a mistress. I felt no guilt with the escorts because no emotions were involved, but I fell madly in love with my mistress and that made me feel very guilty. Mostly only when I was with my mistress, not so much after.

"For the record, my wife cheated on me multiple times before I ever thought about cheating on her, and I didn't seriously consider it until our sex life had been almost non-existent for years. If that hadn't been the case I think I would have a lot more guilt." - Redditor hobbyist

"My girlfriend was 300 miles away"
"I can say honestly the experience meant absolutely nothing to me." Shutterstock
"I cheated on my girlfriend of 12 years when I went out with some friends a few years ago. My girlfriend was 300 miles away and I just thought 'f--- it, why not, she doesn't need to know.'

"So I chatted up some girls and ended up getting one back to my hotel room ... When the booze and drugs had worn off I felt like absolute s--- and vowed never to do it again and have been Mr. Perfect Boyfriend ever since. I can say honestly the experience meant absolutely nothing to me." - Redditor toastercan

"My highschool hormones and lack of judgement"
"We only kissed for about 30 seconds." Shutterstock
"I cheated on my current fiance, I am still haunted by this almost daily, we are now both 22 and started dating when we were 15. Senior year of high school there was this girl that was friends with both of us and she started getting closer and closer to me, flirting, teasing and eventually I made a split second mistake and gave in.

" It was the biggest mistake of my life. We only kissed for about 30 seconds in a stairwell but someone happened to see us and ended up telling my fiance even after I begged. My fiance somehow forgave me and still to this day I regret it. F**k my high school hormones and lack of judgment." - Redditor xDommy

"I felt lost and wasn't sure whether or not I was actually happy"
"She was still really devoted to the relationship." REUTERS/David Mdzinarishvili
"I have cheated on a girlfriend in the past. The relationship seemed lost and I felt lost and wasn't sure whether or not I was actually happy. We were at the point where all we did was fight with nowhere left to really connect. Despite that, she was still really devoted to the relationship.

"But in a moment of weakness, I hooked up with this girl who'd been eyeballing me for a while. Shortly after that, we started dating, and within a couple months she had gone on a summer cruise and cheated on me. I should've been (mad), but since I had very recently done the same, I was only concerned how much I must've hurt my previous partner." - Redditor Flylite

"I was a young, stupid, drunk, **** teenager"
"Angry screaming and profuse apologizing followed." Beth Solano/Unsplash
"I cheated on my wife a long time ago, in the early stages of our relationship before we got married. I was a young, stupid, drunk, **** teenager. It was a mistake. I don't remember much of what happened that night, which is probably for the best. I told her.

"Angry screaming and profuse apologizing followed. It took a long time, but eventually, she forgave me. Now I'm married to her." - Redditor Reizo123

"I was bored"
"I chose to cheat." Shutterstock
"I was bored and I wanted to try something new, but the girl I was with didn't want an open relationship. I didn't want to break up with her just so I could bang other people, so my options were reduced to continuing boredom or cheating. I chose to cheat." - Redditor RandianHero

"I chose a destructive path of a fantasy world"
"I hurt so many people." Shutterstock
"I'd fallen from a high-end role (seven figures) to a comparatively basic position. Rather than confront my failure I chose a destructive path of a fantasy world with an attractive mistress.

"I hurt so many people and I truly have remorse for what I did, I also know what my trigger is and will not stray again." - Redditor throwwelldown

"Felt like I deserved it"
"The guilt ate me up inside for years." Unsplash/Sweet Ice Cream Photography
"After a few years of marriage, it became clear that she didn't respect or appreciate me. I had low self-esteem. Traveled a lot for work. Felt like I deserved it somehow and it was ok because I treated her well and provided a good life.

"It felt great to be wanted by other women. The guilt ate me up inside for years. We eventually divorced." - Redditor Exptgy

"My wife had a couple previous partners before marriage, I had none"

"She gave me her life and trusted me, and I betrayed her." t.germeau / Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
"I am head over heels in love with my wife — always have been. We have beautiful kids and we are a happy family. We have regular (great) sex, and the only issue is that while my wife had a couple previous partners before marriage, I had none. I thought I could live with it, but after nearly a decade of being together, I found myself this year wondering what I may have missed out on.

"On a recent trip to Sin City, I was weak and strayed - had oral/vaginal sex with another woman (escort) outside of marriage. Used protection and had all of the required tests when I got back home — no STDs. At the time, I justified this by convincing myself it would be good for my marriage, as it would stop me from obsessing about the fact that I've only ever slept with one woman.

"I failed to estimate the emotional toll the guilt would have on me. I look at this beautiful woman who birthed and cares for our children, and can't even fathom how I justified my actions. She gave me her life and trusted me, and I betrayed her." - Redditor infidel_throwaway

"I make no excuses for what I did"
"I have always been completely faithful to my wife and vowed, and assumed, I always would be." Flickr / Jose Maria Cuellar
"I'm a 37-year-old male, my wife is 48. About a month and a half ago I was out of town on the other side of the country at a week-long seminar for my job. I struck up a conversation with a very attractive 34-year-old woman.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I think anything would come of it. I have always been completely faithful to my wife and vowed, and assumed, I always would be. This other woman was also married and had four kids. Well, one thing led to another and we were back at her hotel room, had a few drinks, started kissing, and ... I just didn't seem to be able to help myself. I make no excuses for what I did, but I did have sex with this woman." - Redditor disgustedthrowaway99

"Thought that … a new girl would help fix my mental health problems"

"I did it for incredibly selfish reasons." shurkin_son/Shutterstock
"I cheated on my long-time girlfriend and was subsequently busted several years ago. I wish I could say that my girlfriend did something horribly wrong, but she didn't.

"I did it for incredibly selfish reasons. I went through a severe bout of depression and thought that the fresh and intimate connection of a new girl would help fix my mental health problems. It didn't. Not worth it." Redditor analternateaccount66
Credit:Insider

General Discussion / Re: WHY MANY MARRIAGES FAILED

« Last post by abe on May 26, 2019, 04:29:51 am »

MORE REASONS WHY MARRIAGE FAILED
I have found more reasons why many marriages failed,here they are, you can still add more by posting yours to help women out there:
1.Infidelity:
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
2. Money
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.

Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples. Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.
3.Lack of communcation:
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.

Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4.Constant arguing

From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.

Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution, which can ultimately be a cause of divorce.

10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
Shellie Warren
VERIFIED EXPERT
Life Coach
301.2k Reads
5 min read

10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof and resentful that last time you spoke to each other. Like always you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.

Do you think this scenario could transpire into your life?

It’s not uncommon that couples start to fight and make up…fight and make up, until one day they fall apart for good. Don’t neglect your relationship issues, you never know, your relationship could be treading towards rocky roads too!

What are the real top reasons for divorce?

Infidelity, lack of communication, financial troubles, sparing sessions of sex and intimacy are some of the common reasons for divorce.

Let’s look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and hope that you can learn from the mistakes of others.
10 Top Reasons for Divorce
1. Infidelity

Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce

Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.

Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.

Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”. Infidelity is the number one reason for divorce.
2. Money

Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.

Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples. Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.

Money issues can strain a marriage to the breaking point
3. Lack of communication

Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.

On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.

Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant arguing

From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.

Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution, which can ultimately be a cause of divorce.

Incessant arguing kills many relationships
5. Weight gain

It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is one of the most common reasons for divorce.

It may seem odd but weight gain is also one of the leading cause of divorce. In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.
6. Unrealistic expectations:

It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations; expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.

These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Wrong expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce.
7. Lack of intimacy

Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.

This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce. Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.

Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.

Lack of intimacy can quickly ruin a marriage
8. Lack of equality

Lack of equality comes closely behind the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.

When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.

Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for divorce, in fact, it is a leading cause of divorce.

Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage

A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.

Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
10.Abuse:Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples.

It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important.

No marriage is easy.

Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on, don’t let them become one of the reasons for divorce. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing. Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.

Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control, there are too many reasons for divorce and it is time to give up. That way you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step. Divorce is one of the worst things you can experience emotionally, but sometimes, it’s inevitable and for good.
Credit:marriage.com

General Discussion / WHY MANY MARRIAGES FAILED

« Last post by abe on May 25, 2019, 05:07:09 pm »

Have being wondering why many marriages failed even stronger people marriages.
These are major reasons ,you can share your thoughts:
WHY MANY MARRIAGES FAILED
10. Time Problems Work and home schedules are not always compatible. Time spent apart and time spent together are equally important for maintaining a good married relationship. When time is used in a balanced way, it results in opportunities for growth and harmony. A lot of time spent alone without a corresponding period of quality time spent together puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

9. Expectation Problems
The ability to adapt to changes in married life often depends on having realistic expectations about a spouse and the marriage relationship itself. It is common for disillusionment to set in when romantic or other unrealistic expectations are not met. Over time, unmet expectations can generate enough dissatisfaction to make meaningful compromise impossible.

8. Personality Problems There are many kinds of personality traits that can make a couple incompatible and unable to reach agreement in matters concerning sex, intellect and emotion. Partners that have compulsive needs to please or belittle can make honest communication impossible. Negative personality traits make a long-term relationship unbearable and divorce a real possibility.

7. Abuse Problems Abuse of any kind is never acceptable in a marriage. Physical and verbal abuse are all too often the causes of a marital break-down. Sexual abuse and emotional abuse also fall into this category. One partner’s desire to degrade their spouse in an ongoing pattern of abuse will surely cause a marriage to fail in time.

6. Addiction Problems
Drug, alcohol and gambling abuse are all forms of addiction that are very detrimental to a marriage. Even without the presence of physical or verbal abuse, the behavior of an addicted spouse can make normal married life impossible. Addictions are also a common source of money problems in a marriage as well.

5. Friend Problems
Close personal friends of either spouse do not always make the transition to friends of the marriage. Some relationships with friends can be toxic to the marriage if they insert themselves between spouses. A good friend will enhance a married couple’s relationship. People who try to break a marriage apart are not quality friends.

4. Sex Problems
Sex is an important part of marriage and the source of many marriage problems. Every marriage requires the act of consummation by sexual intercourse. Failure to consummate a marriage or problems with sexual frequency, quality, and infidelity are all common reasons for marriage failure and divorce.

3. Family Problems
Family relationships with children, parents, in-laws, siblings and step-children are all sources of marital problems. Raising children increases stress in the home and can cause minor differences of opinion to become major rifts in a relationship. Discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to family and marriage.

2. Communications Problems
If a couple has communication problems prior to marriage, those problems are likely to get worse after tying the knot. It is important that both partners are able to discuss every aspect of married life openly and on a regular basis. A marriage without two-way communication will not last long.

1. Financial Problems
For the most part, it is the lack of open communication about money problems that jeopardizes a marriage more than the financial problems alone. Everyone has financial issues concerning bills, debts, spending and budgets. How a couple deals with those issues can make or break a relationship.

credit:ellsworth

General Discussion / Welcome to CreateaForum.com

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